It’s Really Quite Simple, No. The Power of Saying No.
The power of saying no.
So there is a certain power and positivity with saying NO. I know, that seems counterintuitive. For so long we have associated yes with good, no with bad. It goes back to our first formative years. We are told yes and praised when doing something positive. When we are doing something negative or incorrect- it is no. This formal association has to lead to some fairly harmful effects, later on, personally speaking, that is.
While, having been told yes for that promotion, that proposal, or even that pregnancy test all relish us to utter bliss (depending on our lives)- there are times where no can be more powerful than all the yes’ you’ve ever encountered.
I am/was a yes person. People would ask things of me, and despite every fiber of my being screaming at me to say no- I would smile and say “no problem” or “of course, I’m happy to”. I’m not sure why.. I’m not sure why I have this tendency to put others needs above my own. It’s a CONSTANT problem and one that has plagued me for years..
And yes, it’s looped me into tasks or responsibilities that I have not wanted or enjoyed. However, I actually think its done more damage than that. It is has blurred my boundaries so deeply, and so personally, that I feel as though that line is invisible.
It’s made my feelings and my spirit, open season- even by people who would never dream of hurting or encroaching on that space. Unfortunately, my “yessing” everyone- has allowed them to do that.
And in turn, created a resentment that I don’t want to take place either.
Therefore, I find it such a powerful concept to start recognizing the word no. And what it can do for me, for the people around me, and for the scope of my life moving forward.
Sometimes being told no, is an important shift in our perspective and our life’s path. Instead of looking at it as disappointment- no, I didn’t get that job- no I didn’t win- no I didn’t get what I wanted- I think it’s integral to reform those no’s- into a no I will get something better, no I will get what I deserve and so on. Yessing any opportunity, or anything someone asks of you- makes reaching that REAL potential almost impossible.
Instead, you’re growing in tasks and feelings you don’t want or love, and can’t possibly be putting your heart into. When you set a boundary and accept the power of saying no to things that don’t fit what YOU NEED, there often times will be a much better outcome. Not only will that boundary be clear and concise to everyone, but the potential for your hard work and dedication can finally start to pay off as you allow yourself the clarity of chasing YOUR dreams, instead of pleasing others.
Boundaries are important- we’ve all be taught that. Allowing yourself the comfort to not only have clear boundaries, but also a succinct path defined not by taking EVERY opportunity or task, but by enabling the word NO to be your compass, ensures you stay the course of your passions.
I’ve yessed myself into more situations than I care to admit- and not only did they deprive me of my desired course but they also made me feel like I was not my own person.
Now, in no way am I saying that you should not help a friend, or take an opportunity that is a bit outside the box.. Those are yes’ that only you can decide. If you find personal value in saying yes to something- by all means embrace it.
What I’m addressing is the thankless, begrudging yes’, or the well it might be an opportunity (even if I have no interest in it) yes. Instead, course correct and say no to things you DON’T want to do, or the things that won’t help you accomplish your goals; so that your yes” may mean something more powerful and help you find your success with more grace, more wherewithal, and more excitement.
It is ok to have enough pride in yourself to not accept anything and everything that comes your way. It will lead you to better things, and allow you to have an identity whose silhouette reflects strength and purpose.
It is still incredibly hard for me to say no- to certain people, to certain opportunities, and in certain situations… That people pleaser in me creeps up and just WANTS to make them happy. But, slowly, I am learning the power of saying No, and the self-gratifying experience of using no- to allow me the future opportunities that I desire.