So, we all fall prey to societal expectations of holidays.. and Valentine’s day might be one of the most violating. You’re left alone and spinster labeled if you receive no special flowers or candy coated love messages. But what should this holiday be about, really?
I’ve had valentines days that were picture perfect- spent at chic NY hotels for a “staycation” of breakfast in bed and feeling my most beautiful. And I’ve had Valentines days that have consisted of being home alone, and buying my own very cheap chocolate.
Which was better? One would arguably say the one spent in a luxurious, insta worthy hotel with a significant other. But, I’m going to disagree. Yes that was “perfect”, as an experience to do with someone you love.
But I think Valentines Day should be about love. And, more so, about really loving yourself. Whether you have the perfect husband/wife/partner and family or you are independent this year, it really shouldn’t matter. You ARE exactly where you need to be.
Instead of minimizing love to one day that defines it based on flower delivery.. Something I’ve personally never been into. Decide that this Valentine’s Day you will take stock of all the love you gave others and attempt to equal that love to yourself.
I, fall victim to this. In the past, I give love and I will take a bullet for someone, only to put myself at the very end of this list. I swear, my bodega guy is higher up on my list than I am.
This year, I am going to love myself, and celebrate everything that I have been able to do by being kinder and gentler to myself. Instead of listening to toxic people, or letting un-ideal situations get the better of me.
If you are alone- celebrate it. Go out with your friends, enjoy funny movies, or treat yourself in some small, but meaningful way. Decide that you are enough, and that you deserve good things, and then ALLOW yourself to receive them.
If you have a significant other, TELL them what they mean to you. Skip the fancy hotel or the roses and just remind them how much they have shaped you, and how grateful you are for them. And if that is not the case- then use this opportunity to problem solve your relationship and better it. Ignoring a broken relationship will not result in a magical fix one day- believe me!
Instead, either decide, do I love myself enough to want a healthy relationship, or do I love myself AND this person enough to work on our problems. They are both equally valid and only you can decide which is the right path for you.
However, neither decision will result in much if you constantly put yourself last, and are never able to tell someone how you feel and what you need.
A relationship needs to be built on trust and understanding. Both can be broken or waver, but you should never be unable or afraid to talk about anything in your relationship. Your partner should be your safety net, not the person making you feel like you are falling.
So I challenge you this valentines day to not buy the roses, maybe only a few chocolates ;), and decide that today you will love yourself for exactly where you are and what you’ve done (good and bad).
Love should be an integral part of every day, shown in little ways. Valentines day is simply a reminder- like on your phone- HEY, remember to tell those people you love, and remember to love yourself.
There, that was your reminder. Now, go do it.
Also be sure to follow on instagram to see a full week of Valentine’s themed content with my absolute favorite fashion category (embarrassingly since I was very little)- lingerie/nightwear. Click here to check out my instagram.
I know, don’t tell me why an 8 year old was obsessed with corsets, garters, and heels.. but in the most classy of ways- I loved the femininity.
If you want to read more of my thoughts on self care and life, check out this page.