Why do we feel the need to compare ourselves to others? Do we really believe we want what they have?
I bring this topic to light because I think it’s especially important when raising kids (I say this as an untested theory), and when evaluating ourselves. Being kind, is key. I have this tremendous ability to look at others wrongs or rights, and evaluate why they did it, and forgive them if I disagree with their choices. However, I am unable to provide the same amount of empathy and forgiveness or self-acceptance to myself. I LIVE in my mistakes, I brand myself with my flaws and have a troublesome acceptance of myself. But, this is changing!
Over the past few years, an outsider could look at my life, and truly believe I’m very fortunate. I AM fortunate. But not in the way that a set of gridded pictures implies. And anyone close to me now knows the shit storm of issues I’ve been tackling and trying to do so with grace.
I am fortunate because I am healthy, because I have a support system, and because I have a thriving baby boy. I am only beautiful because I get up each day with optimism and hope for my circumstances, and continue to believe in myself.
In high school, I wanted bigger boobs, a nose job, and a Balenciaga purse. Well, now, I have the Balenciaga purse (and then some), didn’t get a nose job (and can accept this), embrace my flatter frame, and my life still is not perfect. I constantly compared myself to others that I thought had a key to happiness that I was not granted.
I truly believed I wanted someone else’s life. And I assume (not because I’m conceited), that someone has looked at my life with the same disillusioned desire.
What did I get out of not loving myself? In this moment, I can accept myself- scars and all- as the life Iâ€™ve crafted and endured. While I desire improvement, I embrace where I am at today.
Wanting what others have, is a fallacy. It’s rooted in consumerism, marketing, and a world that constantly tells us we could be better. And YES! I want to be a better human, I want to be a better mother, I want to be a better friend! But buying a designer purse or the new lip shade will not get me there.
Everyone, has beauty, in their own way. Everyone has flaws and positive traits, in their own way. Instead of comparing ourselves to others, we should spend that time trying to love ourselves. And if we are incapable of loving ourselves at the moment, find one small thing you like. Whether it be your kindness, your eye color, or your smile, embrace that one thing, and grow off of that.
Starting small, is not being small minded. It is where everyone, no matter how big they get, start.
For me, I can love myself for who I am today, and begin to reconcile the person of the past who has made mistakes, and didnâ€™t find herself worthy of love.
So instead of looking at your friend, your neighbor, or your instagram crush with envy, look at them with love and admiration. We all deal with pain and joy, and to overcome the pain and embrace the joy is not always easily done. But I’ve found the true way to happiness, is to love yourself as much as you possibly can, today. And when you feel you can’t love yourself enough, ask for help. I love when people ask me for my opinion, or my guidance, or supported Not because I think I know everything, but because I WANT to help others.
I’m here to tell you, as corny as it sounds. you ARE enough, today and always. And when you start believing it, happiness will be a constant in your life, whether your life circumstances are a constant or not.