The Why Behind Our Styles

In this episode of the Style POV podcast we are digging into the importance of taking action in developing personal style rather than getting consumed by specific labels or identities. I encourage listeners to focus on the ‘whys’ behind their style choices to foster a deeper understanding and authentic expression. I advocate for continuous movement and action steps, such as creating an inspiration folder, daily outfit assessments, and asking meaningful ‘why’ questions to uncover personal style preferences. I also share my journey from focusing on external validation to achieving genuine self-expression. 

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Transcript:

We are all focusing on the nouns of our styles, but not the verbs.  We need to start taking ACTION! Here’s how.

Hi, I’m Gabrielle Arruda your host for the Style POV podcast and I’m here to help you learn to trust your fashion instincts, hone your authentic style pov, and find strength through style.

The Importance of Taking Action

Around here, I want us to stay in motion.  Whether you’re on the correct style course or you need to course correct your style GPS.. Style slumps happen most often when we are stuck and ruminating…

We consume content. We focus on what essence blend we have.  We focus on the name of our Kibbe image identity. 

We dig into color seasons to know firmly “Am I dark autumn or true autumn!?”

Tell me, we scream into the infinite void… or more likely a slightly charged forum online. 

Now, I love giving you action steps.  Because I get it… We have so much new information rumbling around in our heads, and so much possibility… that sometimes we just need someone to say “Here, do this!”. 

Moving Beyond Style Labels

Now, I know my decision to move away from Kibbe or Kitchener-centric content was disappointing for some people. Others probably were like “Thank goodness!”.  But ultimately this came down to me wanting to feel an authenticity in my work and share my POV. 

So it’s not that I’ll never utter their names again, but that I am trying to let the original creators, do their own teaching.

I don’t want to be contributing to the noise in your head that’s confusing you even more.  I want to help you take action, to find the next right steps in your style journey. 

But, here’s the thing… I think we are often focused on the “what’s”. 

What is my essence blend? What is my color season? What is my image identity or archetype?

What do I wear? Please just tell me already.

But here’s the thing… When you do determine the “what”- the journey is really just beginning.  And whether you’re 1000% sure you’ve landed on your image identity or you’re still “on the journey”… you still need to be moving forward and taking action steps.

I understand how good it feels to have “confirmation”.  The reward centers of our brains, go “Yes, I love this”. I mean we like certainty.

But it’s perceived certainty.  A stylist or professional can give you facts, but only you can decide what those facts mean to your style journey and how they are expressed on a daily basis.

Because if you give 100 artists the same exact paint colors, they are going to create 100 different, beautiful, and unique paintings.  

There is individuality in how you put clothes together, what you express, and how you use your style toolbox. 

I’m not encouraging you to ignore the “what” completely, these names are all useful in the larger scope of our personal style.  But what I am saying is to not get consumed by the “whats”.

The Power of Asking ‘Why’

Instead… I’d love for you to start asking yourself “Why”. 

If you’ve ever been around a young child (like the age of 3), you’ll know that their favorite question in the whole wide world is, why?

Why is the sun out?  Why did that car honk?  Why do you like Brussels sprouts?

I mean.. it gets you googling a lot of things you realize you don’t really understand. 

Asking “why” gives you direction, and points you to the new knowledge or style input you need. 

Real-World Style Application

In the real world, where you dress every day and see and interact with people… The nouns don’t matter.

No one who meets me is thinking “Oh, yes, she’s a bright spring”.  But what they might be thinking is “Wow, she really looks great wearing that drop-waist yellow dress”.  The results come from me wearing the colors, from me acting upon the new style input. 

While it all feels so high-stakes in the online communities… in the real world, the results are what matter.  The actions are what will cause you to have that “style glow up”. 

Think about your life before you got into any style systems, or started deep diving into your personal style… I bet you started off just saying “ I want to dress better”. 

So, how do we improve something? With action. 

Ok, I’ve been ranting… let’s get into how to actually move your style forward. 

Dress is a universal means of communication.  No matter where you are in the world, no sound or words are needed, your clothes are expressing your pov.  

Now if you’re a listener, your goal is to have intentional expression, one that you control and feel authentic in. 

This universal language is customizable. What a cool concept! 

“Clothes do not make the man” is technically true.. but I prefer  Thomas Carlyle’s approach of “Clothes give us individuality, distinction, social polity; clothes have made Men of us.” (source)

So let’s start pulling the threads of our fashion choices and our style instincts.  Because you are the rule maker, the master of your style toolbox, the creator of your… Ok, you get the point.

Building Something of Your Own

In my personal style mapping exercise, I suggest that you start creating a running inspiration folder.  It’s literally as simple as when you look at something and think “This is cool”, you add it to the folder.  We aren’t trying to “solve for X” when we do this. Just throw it in the folder. 

Now, after some time has passed then it can be helpful to ask the whys.. This is also true for your daily outfit photo assessment. 

Digging for data is asking “why”. 

Feeling better in your style is taking the action step. Or really any action step (even if it doesn’t lead to great results because then you repeat with why didn’t this help).  

Let’s get an example to explain this better. 

You’ve sorted out your style toolbox, you’ve honed down your style systems mostly, and you’re taking your daily outfit photos…

You’re enjoying a leisurely Netflix show and are captivated by a character’s style.  You immediately screenshot and throw it into your style maps folder. 

You think, this style is totally kitchener angelic essence. And you proceed to go down a deep rabbit hole on what the Angelic is, and should you possibly reconsider it for yourself? 

But…a better question to inspire action and results is not “What is the angelic essence”,

But why am I attracted to this inspirational image? Why did I save it? Why does it speak to me? And do I feel like this is something I admire aesthetically or something I feel I want to invest in for my own expression? 

In this scenario, maybe the answers are… I saved this beautiful image from the show because I liked the character, she’s enchanting and people look up to her.. and maybe the overall expression is more attractive to you than the actual dress.  

Then the action step would be to start digging into how you could exude those personality traits with your style. 

Or… let’s take another example…

You’re taking your daily outfit photos, you’ve built out a dream style goal but it’s just not coming together.  

So you feel like you’re back at square one. How do I dress better? or How do I like my style? 

Each person will have a unique step forward.  For this theoretical individual, I would start off with what they know. 

You know the outfits you like or the pieces of clothing you like, right?  We all have at least a few pieces that we feel like a million bucks in.

Ask yourself, why do I like myself in this piece? Why am I drawn to this?

The whys help you gain true understanding and true connection.

Because the whys solve the puzzle.

So in this example, she knows she likes puff sleeve dresses and shirts.  Why? I scream! Why?

Because it creates a soft appearance for her, it feels delicate and sweet, and she likes what it does to the visual lines in her outfits. She feels fresh and exuberant and her outfits always seem to be more lively when she wears this style. 

Moving on from the “what’s” is also how you feel less boxed in by generalized recommendations.

Recommendations can be extremely helpful, as can examples or outfit inspirations.  But, we don’t want others to tell us our own style rules.  We want to invest our time in building our own style toolbox and how our style POVs are expressed. 

Overcoming Style Biases

The whys can also help you tackle biases or negative self-perceptions.  I’ve experienced this myself. 

If you’re feeling like your style isn’t modern and you’ve been told skinny jeans are out and straight-leg jeans are in.. ask yourself why straight-leg jeans are the right choice for you.  Style is a collective whole, it’s never just one item.  Similarly, outfits don’t feel “out of style” when you are expressing yourself.  It’s more often when you’ve never dug into your true self-expression and have only followed the style herd, that we feel we like we’re falling behind. 

Don’t be afraid to dig into the real reason, it can help you build a much stronger relationship with your clothes and help you find strength through style. 

In my own experience, I’ve experienced my negative self-perceptions or biases impacting my style journey. Before I was certified in color analysis and uncovered to be a bright spring… I thought I was cool-toned. 

I would have felt scared to claim a “bright spring” name. 

But, after the results, and putting them into action, I now understand the why’s.

I understand that bright/warm colors allow people to see me. They support my natural coloring and feel strong underneath my face. 

I’m not a soft, quiet floating head. 

Which one might wonder, why was I scared? 

Personal Style Evolution + Action

We can ask the whys’ for our larger style journey and evolution as well.

When I was in school for fashion design, my style goal was “notice me!”

I lived for compliments that noticed my new designer bag, or that noticed my unique outfit combination. Or that earned me a “that’s a cool outfit” compliment.

It fed my identity in a slightly hedonic treadmill way.

The more I received these, the more I felt I needed to “top” my last outfit. What else could I buy? What cool thing could I add to this outfit? What unique inspiration could I uncover that would make me get noticed? 

It was a bit performative.  Will they like this outfit today? What will the reviewers say about Gabrielle’s latest outfit?

Now.. by asking myself the “why” questions, and by doing exercises that force me to explore myself and invest in my style authentically…

My goal now isn’t  “Notice me”

It’s “see me”.

I’m ok if people don’t like my outfit or don’t find it wildly imaginative or “cool”.

Because, I’ve come a long way with the relationship with myself, and I feel comfortable sharing that with the world.

It’s no longer style armor.. 

So why did I make that shift? Because my style was exhausting me; trying to keep up with the Joneses and always performing for others.

Now, my style comes second nature. It doesn’t mean every outfit is a slam dunk.  But then I can ask myself, why don’t I like this?

So let’s get into some actionable tips and steps for you to use to further your style goals.

I’d like you to dig into your daily outfit photos or style inspirations and ask yourself these questions.  You can either choose the things you love, or choose the things you didn’t like (depending on the way you learn, or your data, one set may be easier than the other, so try both if you’re stuck!)

Here are some questions. 

• Why do I like this? 
• Why am I drawn to it?
• Why did I wear this? Or Why did I feel compelled to save this?
• Why do I need more of this in my life?
• Why do I feel this is beautiful?  
• Why does this express my character?
• Why is it _______ (charming, captivating, inspirational, exciting, etc)?
• Why do I value this? 

Now, you might feel yourself repeating your answers, but I’m just giving you a range of questions to start, and you can decide which one is right for you.

You’ve completed the first action step or WHY!?

Next up: Verbs Over Nouns.

Style is a noun.  We want to have it.

But how do we get it? By dressing, expressing, wearing, and styling. 

All verbs. 

Here’s where daily outfit photos come in, and analyzing your data with my workbook on your own system of choice.  It’s forcing you to take action steps.

Or evaluating an outfit as you get dressed asking yourself “Was this pair of earrings a step forward or step back for my outfit as a whole? 

If it’s a step forward, you keep going.

If it’s a step back, you change it to something else.  

We are moving.  We are playing.  We are exploring.

We aren’t letting the “whats” and nouns of our style imprison us. 

We are finding the inviduality with asking why. 

Engage With the Community!

If you’re part of my Facebook group, I’m going to start a thread around this episode, so feel free to join if you are not.

But, it’s going to be “Share how you style your version of a casual top and why”

I suspect we will be amazed at how a simple, casual top can be expressed in so many different ways and for so many personal reasons. 

One person finds a puff sleeve knit top in soft blue to be the right choice, because they feel seen and delicate wearing it… Another may find a relaxed white tee to express their value of comfort and ease. 

If you’re struggling on your style journey, reflecting on your whys and adding in more action is going to get you moving forward.

I hope this has been helpful, next episode we will have an exciting guest on the podcast, that you won’t want to miss! 

So be sure to hit that follow button.

Until next time 😉